First “SNL Writing Class” Assignment: Commercial Parody
*Note: If you don’t understand the “tech terms,” don’t worry. I don’t either.
ADOPT A TROPICAL CLIMATE GINGER CHILD
(MUSIC: SARAH MCLACHLAN “ANGEL”)
(OPEN ON: VT PKG: MONTAGE OF PICTURES OF FAMILIES WITH ONLY ONE GINGER CHILD (SEARS PORTRAIT STUDIO STYLE, BUT WITH LAMPS AND OTHER ITEMS PARTIALLY BLOCKING GINGER CHILD IN EACH PICTURE))
(DISS. TO: SUPER: CHYRON: ROLL: (BLACK SCREEN/WHITE FONT):
Each year, thousands of tropical climate ginger children
are born to unsuspecting, non-ginger families.
And, unfortunately, acceptance rates are low.
(DISS TO: VT PKG: MONTAGE OF GINGER CHILD SCENES. 1. IN DELIVERY ROOM, PARENTS’ FACES TURN FROM JOY TO SHOCK WHEN THEY SEE BABY’S HAIR COLOR. 2. PARENTS VISIT OTHER BABIES IN MATERNITY WARD. 3. PARENTS TRY TO CAREFULLY HIDE BABY’S HAIR UNDER HAT. 4. PARENTS PUT LAMPSHADE ON BABY’S HEAD WHEN HAT DOESN’T WORK.)
(DISS. TO: SUPER: CHYRON: ROLL: (BLACK SCREEN/WHITE FONT):
That’s why we opened the National Institute for Tropical Ginger Children.
(DISS TO: VT PKG: MONTAGE OF SCENES FROM NATIONAL INSTITUTE FOR TROPICAL GINGER CHILDREN. 1. GINGER CHILD CHOOSES A SUNSCREEN SHOWER (REGULAR SHOWER WITH SUNSCREEN INSTEAD OF WATER) BASED ON SPF, 2. GINGER CHILD GETS INTO FULL BODY SUIT WITH HOLES FOR EYES/MOUTH/NOSE ONLY, 3. GINGER CHILD RUNS INTO FAKE OUTSIDE AREA AND TURNS ON A HOSE THAT AGAIN, HAS SUNSCREEN INSTEAD OF WATER AND THEN PROCEEDS TO GO DOWN A SLIP-N-SLIDE, 4. IN A SEPARATE AREA OF INSTITUTE, A CLASS OF GINGER CHILDREN TAKE NOTES AS A TEACH WRITES ON A CHALKBOARD. BOARD HAS THIS WRITTEN ON IT:
Socially Acceptable Ways To Avoid Outdoor Activities
- “Sorry, I’ve been slacking on my homework. Gotta catch up. But I’ll definitely be there next time!”
- “Oh man, I tried to meet you guys but I got so lost that I had to turn around and go home. But I’ll definitely be there next time!”
(VO: HERE, TROPICAL GINGER CHILDREN CAN LEARN AND GROW UNTIL THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO MOVE TO A LOCATION WITH A CLIMATE THAT IS MORE COMFORTABLE FOR THEIR PALE, SENSITIVE SKIN.)
(DISS. TO: SUPER: CHYRON: ROLL: (BLACK SCREEN/WHITE FONT):
Many tropical ginger children have already been saved,
but thousands more are crouched under beach umbrellas
waiting for your help.
(DISS. TO: ADDA: FF: SAVE A TROPICAL GINGER CHILD FOR JUST $2/DAY. CALL 1-800-EF-NOSUN)
(VO: MAKE THE CALL TODAY AND HELP US SPREAD THIS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE: TROPICAL GINGER CHILDREN DO HAVE SOULS, THEY’RE JUST SUNBURNED.)
